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Lament

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Lament

Mensaje  Danlin el Dom Jul 01, 2012 1:47 pm

Lament

When I cross that gate, the only thing I think is the woman in red, on that dark gray background. It was a totally crappy table, senseless, that was not saying to myself absolutely anything. But that I cannot remove of the head, is an obsession.

Why did I get obsessed with her figure? I would not be able to explain it, only because she was looking like greatly a person that I well knew, a woman with the one that I had been treating for many years, so many ,that they were making me forget the importance of her existence in my solitary life. I did not know how much I needed her until I lost her.

I was sorry, and I still regret. But it does not make sense, she would never return. And she had died because of me. And I still continue feeling guilty. I never thought she could disappear from my life, even for a moment it crossed my mind that she could stop giving me her company, which I had taken as an obligation to her, as natural, and therefore, a duty.

And, she never complained to my authority over her.Her silence to my requirements and illegitimate orders had caused my overestimation, my egocentrism.I loved her very much, too much for being able to express in human words. But the time and her submission had become me accustomed to her. She had become my slave, but I never realized. And she did not show it. Everything was normal apparently, at least for me.

And so I'm sorry, I regret her loss, regret her silence, I regret her submission.And I curse me, I curse my ignorance, I curse my indifference, I curse my unease.Why the hell would I have started those needless bad habits? It just served to show myself how cruel I could be. The work was not sufficient, and I could not help but regret my disability, and paid with her. She did not say anything, just stared at me with a forced smile, as if she understood and told me with that look that she would not protest and was not angry. But that just made me even more frustrated and the whole fury was coming out into her.She, so innocent, she, so good.

After reflection, I concluded that I was the one who imprisoned her, who wrested her freedom. Although forcing a smile whenever we met, I knew that never again appeared on her face that smile that I had loved so much when we met at first time.That smile that I fell in love, for which I asked her to marry me.Perhaps just because of the disappearance of that smile, that I began to treat her badly. But at that time, I had not realized that I was to blame for its disappearance yet, and I threw the blame on her, cursing at her face. What an idiot I was!

I had killed something I loved, and with it ,her. But I had no choice. Under the effects of those doses, I could not control myself. I saw hallucinations, and even for a moment ,I thought she might be cheating me with another man. The discussions we had because of it were tremendous. Although now I think it was practically my monologue against her silence, she just cried uncontrollably, not protested or argued.When I finished my speech shouting at her, I went out with a slam. What would have happened to her!

I felt horrible, and I feel like a ghost.
I never knew if she was aware of my bad habits, and if so, she never mentioned it. Neither protest when she realized that in the bank the money was gone. She knew it was me, and she never asked why.
It was when I started to feel guilty, that perhaps all was the result of those doses. I wanted to talk to her, but I never got the chance.
We had no children, nor they were in the project. At least since I changed our project on my own without her consent. She knew that I had other women out. And with her silence, I thought she had her men too. And that was because of it, her silence, what puzzled me most. I always thought she loved me but she was too shy to repeat it to me every day, although it would have calmed me down. But that silence, which I had accepted when we got married, was frustrating me. All I wanted at first was to call her attention, nothing more. But it was clear that things got out of my hand. What could I do, arrived at this point? My pride and self prevented me apologize, even to give her a chance to explain. Although clearly she did not want to. I collapsed, and it was when I started to hit her, when I came over too drunk to control myself.I insulted her when I saw her,taunted her that she was with other men behind my back. She denied it, but not explained.

Soon she lost even that smile that showed me when we met, she just looked at me with horror, fear. She began to dodge, to avoid me. And that did nothing but make things worse. The intention of calling her attention had already vanished. I, as possessive as I was and I still am, could not bear her to ignore me. That was how things went under, coming to a point irremediable.

Now that I think, why did she never mention the divorce? Besides the obvious fear that she had,it was no other reason why she did not want to talk with me. It did not cross my mind that she would still love me somehow. Impossible, not after all the atrocities that I had done.But clearly she still loved me. She hated me, yes, but she loved me with equal intensity. I am so sorry that she would not have said, if only she had tried to explain ... I would have heard, even believed. After all, all I wanted was her attention ,to kill her silence ,which was dying me. However, I killed another thing I loved, her.

I will never get to forgive me, never. But ... What could I do? The situation got worse.We did not get to cross two words a day. Although she continued doing the housework and we ate together as usual. It had gone all the love and affection as when we got married, replaced by the tension on our faces and a funeral atmosphere.

But I never thought of divorce, because deep down I loved her more than anyone. Perhaps she knew, or maybe not. But she knew that I would not have accepted the divorce, partly because it would ruin my reputation and would face me unwanted rumors, and partly because she was mine. She belonged with me.

We held that tension for a few years , then she freaked out and I finally broke the camel with that last fight.Even I can remember vividly that night.

I came over from work very tired and very cranky, because my boss had hinted me of a possible dismissal. She greeted me as always, asking me if I prefer first dinner or shower. I chose the first.

We started dinner in silence, as since a few years, and then, the best conversation I found was to ask for her yoga classes, which she had begun to spend the time, as she had excused, but I knew that it was to control and calm herself to my routine fights and screams.

She did not answer, because she was engrossed reading the newspaper, a practice that she gained since we began to eat together but in silence. I knew that she did it to not have to look at me or talk to me to avoid any fight.

I stood up from my chair and yelled to her making she got surprised. I exploded with the rage for work, and threw in her face if she did not answer because she was thinking in another man. She denied it, with wide eyes. But I'm not subsided. I started to raise my voice even more and I approached to her. She stepped back, knowing I was going to hit her and looked at me pleadingly. I shouted that she was a fake, stupid, and many other heinous things. I was putting her to the torture again, which she could not stand anymore and, miraculously,she complained. She said she had no lover ever and that it was me who was taking everything to the bottom.

And perhaps because I knew she was right, I hit her on the shoulder and walked away to not return until the next day.
But I did not find her at home, she only left me a note. Her last words, they will always be engraved in my mind.

"I know it's not your fault, but I can not stand anymore. You know that I have never been unfaithful to you, while I know each of your infidelities, even your bad habits. This family has no solution, and will die with me. I have not had the courage to defend myself, and I'm sorry. I know all you wanted was my attention, but did you ever notice that I've always responded? Probably not, because you are not the same as before, while I have not changed. And that has led us to different paths. But even so, I love you. However, I can not stand it anymore, I need rest. I know that our distance may be irreversible and it is killing me. I prefer to leave believing that you still love me, in your way. And I want you to know that I love you too, in my way. I am sorry that this will not end well. I love you. "

And before I could react to this apparent final farewell, my phone rang. I answered as a ghost, beside myself. A called from the hospital.

So it was how I crossed the hospital's door, the door of death.
In the morgue, it smelled death, and I realized what was to happen.

After waiting an hour in the room, I was called to recognize the dead.

I cross the door hesitantly, waiting for what I fear. With a heavy heart, I stare at the corpse, lying on the metal table and wrapped in a black plastic bag.
The staff approaches to me and pulls back the zipper. I see her face, motionless and expressionless, dead. He asks:

─Is your wife?

─Yes─I replied in a dry tone.



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Danlin
Real

Femenino Mensajes : 193
Puntos : 3295
Reputación : 5
Fecha de inscripción : 12/07/2010
Edad : 25
Localización : Barcelona (Spain)
Comentarios : Nombre: Danlin

Apellidos:Zheng Zhang

Edad: 18

Sexo: Ambiguo (Al ser un Quarx, puedes adaptarse a cualquier forma existente)

Criatura : Quarx

Poderes: Metamorfosis

Poderes Extra: Tener un doble, es decir, otro yo cuando me sea necesario.Tendra mis mismos conocimientos, moral, poder, etc. Como si fuera otro yo totalmente independiente de mi, ninguno se impone sobre otro, como dos almas gemelas. Cuando ambos estan de acuerdo, pueden dividirse o fusionarse.Pero con excepcion de los sentimientos, que uno muestre afecto por algo no significa que el otro tambien, es decir, sus opiniones pueden ser diferentes, tambien el caracter.Cuando uno de ellos no se quiere fusionar o dividir, no se podra. Y cuando uno de ellos es herido, el otro sufrira leves dolores. Si uno de ellos muere, el otro puede seguir viviendo, pero como si le faltara media alma.

Posesiones :

Estado: Cazadora del Grupo de los cazadores de Lombers.

Descripcion fisica: Normalmente tiene forma humana, como todos los otros Quarx. Estatura 1.65m, peso 55kg, cabello lila oscuro, muy propio en su planeta pero no en el mundo humano. Ojos lila oscuros y de piel palida.

Descripcion psicologica:Valiente, aventurera, caracter fuerte, cabezota con sus decisiones e ideales, alegre, optimista, amable, generosa, honesta, liberal. No soporta presion ni tension, siempre necesita una risita en el ambiente, aparenta ser siempre graciosa para que una mala situacion no empeore, odia pelearse con alguien. Aveces puede llegar a ser muy infantil y traviesa.Se guarda lo malo para ella para no hacer preocupar a los demas. Solo comparte lo bueno con la gente, lo malo lo oprime en su interior y no lo demuestra. Una muy buena actriz fingiendo indiferencia y normalidad.

Biografia: Desde pequenia ha crecido en el mayor grupo de cazadores de Lombers, sus letales enemigos por ideales contrarias. Sus padres son los lideres de esta gran organizacion y desde su infancia que aprende a defenderse y cazar Lombers. Como que la organizacion tiene muy buena reputacion y exito todos conoces a sus padres y los respeta, como si fueran los lideres de todo el planeta. Por eso ella tiene fama de ser la "Seniorita", y asi la llaman, porque es la hija unica de estos grandes seniores poderosos. Apesar de haber crecido entre cazadores y ser una cazadora,no piensa como sus padres y todos sus companieros , ella piensa que los Lombers tiene parte de razon al querer descubrir la verdad del Universo hacia otras especies, porque piensa que cada uno tiene la libertad de hacer lo que quiera siempre y cuando no perjudique a nadie. Por eso solo acepta ordenes de caza cuando se trata de Lombers que manipulan a humanos o les hacen creer ideas erroneas del Universo. Tal como pasa tambien con los de su propia especie. Asi que ella no duda en capturar tanto Quarxs como Lombers, se deja regir por su moral.Y dado que es " La seniorita" del Grupo, nadie le reprocha nada, aunque tampoco comparte sus ideales. Sus padres , por carinio, la dejan hacer lo que quiera hasta un cierto limite,limite que ella procura no sobrepasar.Nadie sabe sobre su poder especial, aparte de sus padres. A los 3 anios, un dia, de repente, aparecio dos Danlin delante de sus ojos, y entonces le hicieron muchas pruebas y examenes , con la conclusion de que era un poder sobrenatural en su planeta. Poder que no quiere dejarse descubrir por malicias y avaricia externa, cualquiera podria querer raptarla para su uso personal. Danlin no hace mucho caso a las rinias de sus padres sobre tener que evitar dividirse o fusionarse delante de la gente, ella lo encontraba divertido y cuando estaba sola, de pequenia, se dividia para poder jugar con su doble. Hasta que su padre le descubrio y le dio la leccion mas grande de su vida. Y nunca mas volvio a utilizar ese poder. Aunque esa vocecilla de su doble mas de una vez le decia cosas en su mente, para que estuviera deacuerdo a dividirse, y ella se habia negado constantemente. La gente la creia un poco risuenia, ya que la encontraba hablando con el aire, a si misma, claro, no sabia de su doble. Pero en general, tenian todos buena impresion de ella, porque era una chica que se dejaba querer.
A los 18 anios, mayor de edad en su planeta, recibio una mision de sus padres de cazar un Lomber que se habia escapado al mundo humano con intencion de manipularlos para crear un ejercito y coronarse rei o emperador. Ella , en un principio se ofrecio voluntaria y sus padres no querian, porque era un caso muy peligroso, pero dado que no tenian cazadores a su servicio en esos momentos, dado que los Lombers habian aumentado de poblacion y todos los cazadores estaban de misiones en otras planetas, solo quedaba ella como una fuente potencial. Ella era una de las mejores cazadoras que tenia el Grupo , solo que sus padres pocas veces la dejaban salir del planeta. Pero esta vez, no se pudieron negar, ya que todos los otros miembros del Grupo tambien estaban de acuerdo en dejarla salir, dejarla provar cosas nuevas, y creian en su capacidad.
Asi que partio despues de cumplir 18 anios y fue en busca de ese Lomber perverso.

Ver perfil de usuario http://realfantasy.foroespana.com//////www.danlinzheng.blogspot.

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